The Courage of Frodo

Who has seen the fantastic trilogy Lord of the Rings? Better yet, read the books! Maybe fantasy isn’t your thing, but this story has a lot of gold nuggets hidden (or not so hidden) along the way. It's a classic written by J.R.R. Tolkien I highly recommend.

The main character, Frodo Baggins, is an unlikely hero. His mission is to take the evil ring of power to the mountain of Mordor and destroy it by casting it back into the fires from which it was made. Of course there are forces working against him through all kinds of hazards and creepy things that make you quake. It seems like a death mission—the mountain looms so high and far away and Frodo feels so alone. Only he can bear the dark weight of the ring. Fear rules the land. Does he have the courage to overcome?

Last month I wrote a story called The Courage to Live and my desire to have more of it. God often gives us what we ask for (so ask wisely). To illustrate, I had an interesting personal experience that began in the middle of writing that story.  I’m not sure that I can adequately describe it, but I’m going to try.

Each January, my church has a week of fasting and prayer to look back on what God has done, and look forward to what he’s doing, personally and corporately. In conjunction with this, we schedule several times during the week to pray together. A few days in advance, an email was sent asking for volunteers to lead an hour of prayer. The subject of the first slot was “God’s Word is a Seed”. Seed…isn’t that right up my gardener’s alley?  I felt a nudge, but not being the “leader” type, I waited. Me, lead? I don’t think so.

Awhile later, for a reason now forgotten, I began looking through a small pink spiral where I jot things down. I came to an entry from 2015:

“Seeds Starting, Seedlings Taking Root

Reading Foster’s book, Prayer...The idea of meditative prayer is to let God speak to us, especially through scripture. He’s talking about meditating on a passage, or even a word, for a week, to allow it to “take root in us”. This can be illustrated through the analogy of letting seedlings take root—it takes water, sun, time. Disturbing the plants can keep them from rooting; roots grow, get established, etc. “

Would this seem like a “sign” to you? I took it as one and didn’t hesitate to obey—I opened my laptop and signed up to lead Monday’s hour of prayer. I prefer to stay in the background in just about all situations, but, in light of how God was moving in my life, I saw it as an opportunity to have “courage to live”. I felt a confidence that this small task was for me and a peaceful assurance that it would be a piece of cake. There were no instructions or guidelines, but I’ve attended this sort of prayer before, I knew what to expect. If there was anything I needed to know, I would be contacted.

Sure enough, Sunday afternoon I received a phone call and we discussed the basic order of things and my job as the leader: open, close, allow time for praying in small groups, monitor the time, etc.—simple, no big deal at all. A few hours later I sat down at my computer and typed out a short agenda with a few scriptures I wanted to start with. As it happened, I was working on my February story “Courage to Live”, and so I went back to it. I don’t remember the words I was writing when I began to feel afraid. Thoughts of leading prayer suddenly loomed ominously before me. I began to see myself in the prayer room with a crowd of silent people, and I had to pray aloud all by myself to fill the silence. I felt the hour of prayer stretching out endlessly and imagined myself stumbling for words. Fear gripped my heart and I thought “I can’t do this. This was a mistake.”

At this point I felt like Frodo going to Mordor carrying the heavy weight of the ring. I actually said out loud, “I don’t want to be courageous! I don’t want a crown! I just want to be comfortable and watch my movies and enjoy life!” Unreasonable fear dominated my thoughts. For several hours I wrestled with thoughts of backing out until it was too late to call. I didn’t sleep well, so at 2 a.m. I made some hot chocolate and decided I would wait until the decent hour of 9 a.m. and cancel. Up to this point I was too busy wrestling with myself, or so I thought. Finally, I lay back down and prayed.

When I woke up I was just waiting for 9 a.m. Prayer was at 12 noon. I felt bad…who could they find to lead on such short notice? But as I was getting dressed I realized I didn’t feel the fear and desperation of the night before. Putting on my make-up, I looked down at some scripture cards I had on the counter and began flipping through them:

He sends his help from heaven and saves me. He disgraces the one who is harassing me. God sends his mercy and his truth. Ps. 57:3 

In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul Ps. 138:3                                                                                                                

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? Ps. 27:1

 Then it hit me. I had been under spiritual attack. While I was sleeping, God came to my rescue and the fear had lifted. As I thought about the night before I realized how exaggerated my fears were. I really did feel like Frodo facing Mordor. How dark and gripping were my thoughts about this small thing of stepping up to lead prayer! That’s what the enemy of our souls does: insecurity is magnified, unreasonable fear takes over. But God is greater.

I’m happy to say I led prayer and none of the things I had imagined and feared happened. Am I a fearless leader? No, but I know the One who is.