The Gift of Solitude

For the last several months I’ve wrestled with a feeling of solitude and loneliness. Checking my phone like a teen-ager: no texts, no calls, no invitations, I sighed and wondered if I had any true friends. As I pondered my solitary state, I had a thought: maybe God is using this estranged condition to highlight something beneath the surface, as He often does. Rarely (if ever) obvious, he hides in the background of feelings and events, waiting for us to discover Truth in our ordinary, often dull, sometimes painful lives.

I decided to embrace this sense of aloneness and go on a three day retreat—alone. It was my birthday month and the five-year anniversary of my brother’s death. I rented a quiet place with a fantastic view and took my Bible, books, music, and a box of sealed unopened letters my brother had written long ago that I yet to read. My daughters thoughtfully gave me sweet affirming notes and gifts to help me through the reading. A dear friend spent the afternoon and evening with me. Then it began.

The first day was interrupted by some unexpected urgent business, but by God’s grace my boat barely rocked. The rest of the time I was able to just relax and enjoy solitude. No social media, email, phone calls or TV. No errands or shopping. Time slowed down. My mind slowed down. My spirit slowed down. I read and soaked in music; I gazed in awed silence at the panoramic view. As the sun set and colored the trees and hills with glorious light, I gave reverent thanks for the beauty of the world God created for us. I thought about the many ways Jesus has changed my life, and the many times he’s shown His faithfulness by answering the cries of my heart.

Solitude together with silence creates a still, quiet environment that’s conducive to listening. There, deep speaks to deep. I identified my need to be “doing” rather than “being”. I identified my need to be affirmed by external relationships rather than the internal awareness of God’s presence. I re-centered and settled into the peace of “I AM”. I read my brother's letters and grieved for him.

I took a drive to Dripping Springs and found a lovely shop that sold unique garden art. I bought some stained concrete mushrooms as a memento for my garden.

I bought the one top left and then tried to make one (bottom right) but it didn't turn that great. I'm going to try again someday.

In his book, The Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster writes, “The purpose of silence and solitude is to be able to see and hear”. Embracing, rather than resisting, my discomfort with solitude enabled me to see and hear beneath the surface experience. It’s hard to see and hear the hidden things, the most important things, when our senses are otherwise occupied, so it’s important to carve out time and be intentional about using it.

But what if your circumstances don’t allow the luxury of getting away as I did? Foster has a lot to say on the subject that’s worth reading, along with suggestions for making the most of little moments and making room for solitude, such as:

• Consider using the early morning moments before the family wakes up, even in bed while your eyes are still closed.

• Use the solitude of a morning cup of coffee before the day begins.

• Take advantage of the solitude available while sitting in traffic.

• Make a “quiet place” at home—a room, garden, or closet.

• Find a quiet place of refuge at a park, a church, or even at work.

• Try talking less, or go another step and devote several hours or a day to silence.

Maybe you wrestle with feeling alone.....take a step back and ask if God wants your company for himself. Solitude can be a gift. Embrace it and you might see or hear something that changes your life for the better. Your desire and obedience alone will cause you to become more rooted and grounded in the One who inhabits the secret places, and you become more firmly planted in Him.

And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there. Matthew 14:23